While registering for this course, I did so in a bit of a mindless fashion. No expectations were set very high, and I wasn’t eager to out-do and/or surprise myself. I should have anticipated the difficulties of an English class sooner than I had. As a consequence I was soon reminded of my struggles with formal writing in High School, and how it has always been difficult for me to capture the visions of my teachers, as I was hardly writing to express my own visions, and more to fit certain guidelines which were imposed as legitimate. We were to chiefly learn how to spot and write our own Rhetorical analyses, reflections, and many skills along the realm of persuading readers and perfecting our analytical skills.
Throughout learning how to write formally, I continued my old habit of taking the wheel- specifically in terms of the structure of my paragraphs, and naively believed my independence would be rewarded. However I was soon proven incorrect with my first grade of a C. After careful review of the feedback from the professor, I was forced to recognize that my personal internal monologue is not one that would ever make sense on paper. Or, at least by academic standards. With my Opinion Editorial, I spoke of an extremely fragile topic, especially in colleges. While discussing a conflict that has been severely tainted by bias for centuries, I ironically had to restrain myself from giving my two cents, and instead focus on the views and persuasive measures of others. A lot of that essay and majority of the following, had I had to step into the shoes and behind the eyes of other writers. My tendency of independence had to be disposed of. However towards that I felt little surprise, as that is typically how academic, graded pieces are written. The feedback consisted of technical feedback, of how I abruptly cited quotes, and lacked introductions to each of the statements. I digested this as a nod towards how I forget that my train of thought doesn’t run at the same speed or rhythm of my readers, or more specifically my professor. After revising my essay, I received the grade of B, which felt deserved as I was still learning how to follow instructions that consistently left me with many questions.
As the semester continued I completed each of the discussion posts. With these assignments, I felt less pressured to fulfill a specific vision, and rather review articles with agendas that left little room for argumentation. While I agreed with most of the content provided, I wondered how someone who didn’t would respond to the readings. They were often political, which automatically made them sensitive. With my primary audience being my classmates, I regularly chose to side with the attitude of the readings in hope to not offend anyone.
As the Visual Essay was dawning, I looked at the due date with fear as well as with an unpleasant sense of incapability. I had hardly improved as a writer for this class with the previous essay. I was certain to perform badly on the second one. By dint of that fear, I prudently focused more on the criteria of the essay to a greater degree than the actual subject of my piece. I was aware that my issues resided more in being unable to fit the grid of the directions rather than being able to showcase my ideas or writing style abilities. With this knowledge I crafted my essay in reference to the examples of past successful visual essays provided to our class. After reviewing their own reflections and audience strategies, I realized my mistake alongside what the true expectations were. I was not required to form unique sentences and explore different styles of writing. I submitted my essay believing it to be substantial only to reiteratively be proved wrong. I felt myself experiencing a mixed reaction. I was surprised as well as not. I read over the feedback with incredulity, only to however soon discern my common mistake. I touched upon my own personal notions, which were often lacking a backup of evidence or proper citation frequently throughout my reflection and audience strategy. After deciding to take an opportunity I was given to revise my essay, I did so by writing in accordance with whatever my professor had mentioned. This time without question. For example if she asked me to remove a whole paragraph, I would do so in my revision regardless of how I felt about my writing, my ideas, or choice of words. Yet, I eventually learned the true meaning of an Audience strategy, finally and understood more than the basic drift of what it contained and why it was relevant to be partnered with the visual essay. The audience strategy was supposed to be me discussing the specific methods I used to try and persuade my readers and audience of the point I was trying to make. I had to describe not necessarily the contents of the essay, but of why I chose to use certain graphics and layout as well as what I predicted the effects of them on the audience were to be. My initial grade of a C was rounded up to an A, and my professor even specifically pointed out “I can tell that you made an effort to focus more on audience.” I felt relieved and more prepared for the final essay.
As I went over the rubric and directions for the final essay, I made more of an effort to follow the instructions in a straightforward manner. I took heed of what selectively was being asked of me. This piece, the Critical Analysis essay, despite the larger word count requirement compared to the past essays, I didn’t feel that same sense of incapability that I had with the past several assignments. However I had asked the professor for an extension due to the amount of other assignments I had due and I wanted to dedicate time properly in a less rushed mindset. After thorough study of my main primary source, I began my main Proposal with the new knowledge and set of skills. My paper discussed the unworthiness of a 9-5 desk job, and how different authors and creators preach this idea of not following that specific work-style. Particularly their sentence structure and forms of persuasion. Nonetheless I received feedback from my professor which consisted of her expressing confusion for my main thesis. Mainly what it was exactly and her concern for how I would forward my actual essay. She wrote “Your argument should revolve around analyzing and evaluating the argument of your video, not around the subject matter of the video.” I wrote my draft with this criticism in mind, making an effort to compose my paper in a way where it was concise and without tangents. I repeatedly stared back and forth at the assignment description and my actual assignment, desperate that my piece reached the proper standards. I looked over again what a rhetorical situation in actuality was, and reviewed my paper to assess if I achieved writing one. I made sure to describe not the subject of the video, but how the authors of my sources used whatever methods to persuade their audience. The instructions also noted that I was permitted and encouraged to give my own take on my sources, which I did. I was also surprised by how in the directions, we were encouraged to disagree as well as elaborate on whatever our dissent was. I was afraid of this being an easy rabbit hole for me. My fear turned easily into reality when I received a failing grade, in which the professor stated my writing was not specific enough, and that I spoke of my own takes with too little evidence. After reviewing my essay, I realized that all I had learned throughout the semester could only come into practice through trial and error. I needed extra guidance, extra time, and careful instruction. This is why I have decided to revise my Critical Analysis essay and study once again what exactly my thesis is, and stick to it. I hope that my final grade is an improvement from its original.
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